In My Culture | Why some African mothers mourn in silence on Mother’s Day
This Mother’s Day weekend, many families will prepare flowers and heartfelt tributes. However, some women across the continent will quietly carry a different kind of motherhood.
The journey of motherhood is not only defined by the celebration of life. Instead, it often involves the quiet, cultural weight of loss. In many African cultures, the transition into motherhood carries profound spiritual responsibilities. These duties often go unseen by the modern eye.
In My Culture… “the mother is not even allowed to cry”
While contemporary society encourages open mourning, traditional Ovambo customs surrounding neonatal loss present a starkly different reality. The Ovambo, also known as the Aawambo, are the largest ethnic group in Namibia. Dorisse Johannes, from the Ovambo tribe, explains a practice that highlights the immense responsibility placed on a mother’s spirit.
“In my culture, if you give birth to a baby and the baby dies before they get their first teeth, people will not come to the funeral and the mother is not even allowed to cry,” says Johannes.
To an outsider, this may seem harsh. However, in the cultural context, it acts as a protective measure. The community roots this belief in the preservation of the mother’s future. Specifically, they believe that if she cries, she will struggle to conceive again. Additionally, if sheds tears, and then gives birth again, the community fears the babies will keep dying.
Rituals of by the elders offer protection
Consequently, the trauma of loss is managed through strict ancestral protocols. Dorisse and a friend besides her explain how young people do not attend the funeral, and how elders follow a specific ritual during the burial.
“Older people will be the ones to go and bury the baby,” explain Johannes and the friend.
They follow a specific rituals intended for babies who pass away at this tender age.
Protecting the Next Generation
Traditionally, the elder’s technique and during the burial determines biological destiny and is believed to protect children born to the mother.
Elders know exactly which side to lay the baby on. If placed incorrectly, it is believed the mother may struggle to give birth again.
This cultural framework also serves as a shield for other young women. In a culture where fertility is essential, young ladies are forbidden from attending these specific funerals. The stakes are high because if they witness the burial, the community believes their own future children will pass away at a young age.
As Mother’s Day approaches, this story serves as a reminder that motherhood is a complex tapestry. It is a role defined by incredible strength. Often, this includes the strength to remain silent during heartbreak to ensure the continuity of a lineage.
This weekend, as we gift bouquets, let us also hold space for the mothers walking the quiet paths of tradition. They carry the weight of both the seen and the unseen.
Academic insight
Culture carries meaning. “Motherhood and pregnancy loss in the African context: A scoping review” by Irene Torshie Attachie, Ilo-Katryn Maimets, and F. Beryl Pilkington provides academic insight.
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