You don’t buy shoes for a lover

In My Culture, “you don’t buy shoes for your lover.”

And if you do, you’re giving them the means to walk away, or worse, if they are sneakers, they might even run off with someone.

It sounds playful at first, but like many traditions, it carries a warning about love, intention, and the unseen meanings behind our gifts. Every gesture, every present, tells a story; and in this case, it’s a reminder to think carefully about the promises and emotions we attach to the things we give.

This tradition is shared across some African and European communities, reflecting a wider cultural wisdom that values intention as much as affection. It offers a glimpse into how gifts can carry meaning far beyond their surface.

In the urban, cultural streets of Melville in Johannesburg, South Africa, a gift shop owner chats to In My Culture about lovers and shoes.

My South African Zulu husband of many years has never bought me shoes. Well…at least not in the literal, traditional sense.

He believes I will walk away if he does.

However, we’ve found creative ways to get each other shoes without literally, physically picking out the pair and paying for it.

Thanks to innovations like immediate cash transfers, online shopping, and cellphone cameras, he can send the cash, share a photo or a direct link if online shopping is an option, and I can then buy these “for myself”.

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